Mm, because they're going to be able to relax while wondering where you're off to? They're not the exceptionally sensitive types, after all. But, yeah, go off and figure out your next cues.
There's not really a good option, after this....... mess.
I don't know how to worry them least—or how to... lay those horrific thoughts to rest, is maybe the best way to put it. They're still so fresh and familiar in my mind.
Disassociation is viewing it as something that happened to someone else. You're aware of the incident, but you can't place it in the context of happening to you.
Exposure therapy is repeatedly reliving the experience until you can understand it as part of you without revulsion or rejection. Between the two, it's the harder one.
I believe you that it's harder. Of course it would be.
But disassociation seems... wrong. Morally wrong, even. Of course this happened to me. Imagine the selfishness of ever asking for forgiveness while denying my responsibility.
It was and it wasn't. I would never have killed so brutally, or had such an impossibly broad definition of who was a threat. I certainly would never have found myself losing track of whether I was a woman or a wood elemental.
But the ghost still went looking for anger in me, and found it. It was the pain and fury of seeing LiliS's kindness abused all over again.
I don't know what possession would have been like for you. But that's what it was like for me.
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Re: John
Mm, because they're going to be able to relax while wondering where you're off to? They're not the exceptionally sensitive types, after all. But, yeah, go off and figure out your next cues.
Re: John
There's not really a good option, after this....... mess.
I don't know how to worry them least—or how to... lay those horrific thoughts to rest, is maybe the best way to put it. They're still so fresh and familiar in my mind.
Re: John
Re: John
...I really don't have any idea what that means.
Re: John
Exposure therapy is repeatedly reliving the experience until you can understand it as part of you without revulsion or rejection. Between the two, it's the harder one.
Re: John
I believe you that it's harder. Of course it would be.
But disassociation seems... wrong. Morally wrong, even. Of course this happened to me. Imagine the selfishness of ever asking for forgiveness while denying my responsibility.
Re: John
[blinks]
That it happened was, but that wasn't you.
Re: John
It was and it wasn't.
I would never have killed so brutally, or had such an impossibly broad definition of who was a threat.
I certainly would never have found myself losing track of whether I was a woman or a wood elemental.
But the ghost still went looking for anger in me, and found it. It was the pain and fury of seeing LiliS's kindness abused all over again.
I don't know what possession would have been like for you. But that's what it was like for me.
Re: John
You wouldn't have reacted that way . . . We weren't hurt by anyone. All of them were fine.
Re: John
If I'd actually been defending all of you—or Wednesday, before—from danger, there wouldn't be anything to regret.
But in the end, my actions were by my own hand. There is no one else to take accounting for them but me.
...Not yet.
Re: John
Whatever you want to tell yourself. See you— Whenever you turn up.
Re: John
I won't be long. I promise that much.
[ a pause, looking away ]
......Thank you for listening.
Re: John